<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Tho' much is taken by zinjadu</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26220769">Tho' much is taken</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/zinjadu/pseuds/zinjadu'>zinjadu</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>And not to yield [8]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Closure, Domestic Fluff, F/F, F/M, Found Family, Full Circle, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Happy Ending, Injury Recovery, Near Death Experiences, Post-Game(s), The End, Unplanned Pregnancy, Wedding Fluff</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 04:55:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>15,256</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26220769</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/zinjadu/pseuds/zinjadu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Much abides.</p>
<p>After Zahra Shepard made her choice on the Citadel, she thought that would be the end.  Turns out, not quite.  A very short series of fics closing out my Shepard's story post ME3 full of good feels for the most part, with a touch of bittersweet loss.</p>
<p>Posted all in one go due to the inability to keep up a posting schedule soon.  Thank you for reading, and hope you all stay safe out there!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>EDI &amp; Female Shepard, Female Shepard &amp; Garrus Vakarian, Female Shepard &amp; James Vega, Female Shepard &amp; Liara T'Soni, Female Shepard &amp; Samantha Traynor, Female Shepard &amp; Tali'Zorah nar Rayya, Female Shepard &amp; Urdnot Wrex, Grunt &amp; Female Shepard (Mass Effect), Jack | Subject Zero &amp; Female Shepard, Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard, Kaidan Alenko/Shepard, Miranda Lawson &amp; Female Shepard, Samantha Traynor/Tali'Zorah nar Rayya, Samara &amp; Female Shepard (Mass Effect)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>And not to yield [8]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1604602</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Salvaged</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Zahra Shepard fell...</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The fire didn’t just burn, it scorched, it seared, it ripped through everything.  The fire was unforgiving, as was the metal that screamed and tore around the body, battering it, piercing it, falling all around it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A body could only take so much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Breathing became impossible, throat raw, lungs straining, heart pounding.  Like last time.  A mind might be able to block out memory, block out the last moments, hurtling through space, but the body remembered.  And this body remembered dying once before, choking on nothing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dying was something it was prepared to do again.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was in the forest again, the dark wood.  There was a poem about that, she could recall, but not the poem itself.  It was strange, here, like the woods on Mindoir where she had played as a child.  The forest had burned on that day.  They had burned in her dreams since leaving Earth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They did not burn now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The boy was also gone.  The boy that had haunted her as well, the boy she had failed to save; the future she had watched die.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The shadows deepened, darker than ever before.  Like the lights were going out, and the whispers became louder.  Whispers dredged up from a heart battered and tired, pushed past all reasonable limits but still stubbornly beating.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>I must go to them.  I’m—I’m sorry.  It’s the only way.  Keelah se’lai.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turned, moving like she was underwater, wanting to find them.  Wanting to see them again.  At least she would not be alone, not alone like she had been on Mindoir after the slavers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Had to be me.  Someone else might have gotten it wrong</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>These whispers, these echoes, held her still.  Held her back.  She could sink into the darkness, into the whispers.  She could go across the water, the water she knew was in the forest, somewhere.  Crossing the water would mean never going back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Kalahira, mistress of inscrutable depths, I ask forgiveness. Kalahira, whose waves wear down stone and sand—siha.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There had never been any choice, any other way.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I understand, Commander, I don’t regret a thing</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had seen the mission through.  To the bitter end.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>You did good, child.  You did good.  I’m proud of you</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe, just maybe, she could rest now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shepard!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The shadows grew longer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Commander!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The forest was bitter cold.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Zee!</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But she knew those voices, that last voice.  It wasn’t a whisper.  It wasn’t a final word, a final goodbye.  It was an entreaty, a shock, a joy.  It was alive.  She gasped, her lungs burning, her body searing with remembered fire.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then there was light.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>The white, glaring light hammered at her.  She couldn’t breathe.  There was something around her mouth, in her throat.  She couldn’t breathe.  Choking.  She was choking.  Her lungs were desperate to inflate, but they wouldn’t.  Something was stopping them.  She tried to open her eyes, but something held her eyelids down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Move, she had to move.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This had happened before.  Cerberus.  Cut her apart, remade her.  Metal and black boxes and upgrades, and how much of her was left?  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whoa, whoa, Zee, let us help you, you gotta let us help you.”  Gravely voice full of honey, she turned blind eyes toward it.  Hands groped over her, taking hold of the obstruction around her mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ready?  Need you to breathe out hard on one,” a calm, even Australian voice said.  “Two, three.”  She pushed her diaphragm down as hard as she could as the hand jerked away, and it was like she was throwing up from her lungs.  Bile rose in her throat, and strong hands rolled her to the side as she threw up.  Her whole body shook, but she was still blind.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The fingertips that touched her face were gentle, careful as they peeled back the tape that held her eyelids down.  The pads of thumbs held them down for a moment longer, and the honeyed gravel told her, “Slowly, Zee.  Open your eyes slowly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A scowl twisted her lips, but she did as asked and opened her eyes millimeter by millimeter.  She grimaced as the light hit them, but she forced herself to face it.  The light dimmed and a dark blob appeared in front of her.  Blinking rapidly, the blob resolved itself into a face.  Warm brown eyes gazed at her with a mix of adoration and relief, but were shadowed by heavy eggplant purple bags.  His mouth was caught on the edges of a smile, and untidy stubble covered his cheeks and chin.  And for once his black hair was an unruly mess, now thoroughly white at the temples.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She coughed.  “You look like shit, Kay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re no prize yourself.”  He smiled fully then, and gingerly stroked her cheeks and down the hawkish line of her nose, as if she’d vanish like smoke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How long?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Three weeks,” the Australian said.  Kaidan’s smile twitched down, but he let it stand.  Miranda stepped into view, her arms crossed and looking down her perfect nose.  But her face softened in understanding.  She’d been there the first time, seemed like a good luck charm that she was here for the second.  “Only three weeks.  We had to keep you under while your cybernetics were rebooting.  Then it seemed best to extend that while your skin grafts were healing.  I’ll admit, you weren’t supposed to come up yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s always been stubborn.”  The smile came back, but it hid a bone-deep fear that for once she might not have fought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Says </span>
  <em>
    <span>you,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” she muttered.  Her eyelids drooped, and she immediately gave the lie to her protest by trying to sit up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, hey don’t push it.  There’s no mission, Commander.  At ease.”  The smile became a smirk.  “I can make that an order if it’ll help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatever gets you going, Major.”  That was supposed to sound more biting than tired, but her head settled against the pillow without her leave.  Shifting on the bed, the irregularities of the room caught up with her.  Real furniture, ad hoc medical equipment, no sharp bite of antiseptic in her nose.  “Where are we?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The orchard.  Told you I’d bring you here one day.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your </span>
  <em>
    <span>house?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My </span>
  <em>
    <span>parent’s</span>
  </em>
  <span> house.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was something she could say to that, but the pillow was soft.  Miranda tapped her foot and drawled, “A fortuitously well provisioned house.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll get the full story later, but right now you should get some real sleep.  You need it.”  His voice lulled her, but the idea of sleep made her eyes snap back open, eyes as grey as the sea before a storm.  “I’ll be here.  Promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His fingers curled around hers, mindful of the IV jacked into the vines of her hand.  She squeezed with all the strength she had; her fingers barely moved.  “Holding you to that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He raised her hand to his lips and kissed the backs of her fingers.  Gentle and solid at the same time.  Tethered by him, she drifted to sleep to the sound of medical beeps and the retreating clack of heels.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then it was just her and Kaidan, and for the first time in too damned long, she slept untroubled by whispers of the dead.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Choice</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The choice Zahra made on the Citadel wasn't an easy one.  Especially when it hurt a friend.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The room was dark, but she couldn’t sleep.  Kaidan slept curled around her like he was never going to let her go again.  His even breathing was soothing.  Lulling her toward sleep in and of itself.  The fuzz of her hair rasped against the cool pillow while outside the window stars shone bright and clear over the rustling, dancing trees.  In the night, the leaves of the trees were just a different kind of blackness against the black sky.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“EDI.”  The call was a subvocalization.  Kaidan frowned in his sleep, and she smoothed his hair back.  He sighed and settled against her, breathing deep and even.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, Shepard?”  EDI’s voice was just in her ear.  Cooler than she had grown used to, missing the warmth EDI had developed.  Maybe wiped out forever.  But she couldn’t keep that in the front of her mind forever.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe it was time to stop always looking at what she had lost.  Maybe.  She swallowed the thoughts.  “How’re things out there?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you want a full status report?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just the highlights.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Very well.”  Half a second, just enough time to give her the sense that not all of EDI’s information was at her metaphorical fingertips.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The information was barely seconds old.  The galaxy spun on without her.  Her status as alive reported, Kaidan stood between her and Alliance brass.  Giving her the space to recover.  Whatever that meant.  Her body was healing slowly.  Too fucking slowly, but getting there.  Everyone else, though, those still living, they had to find ways to keep doing that.  Rescue efforts, refugee movements, hell, even military posturing.  The thread of it pulled at a spot behind her chest, a temptation, an urge to get back out there.  It had a gravity all its own.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Trillions of lives set in a new orbit.  All because of her choice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That’s what it had come down to.  Her choice.  No one else’s.  How fucked up was that?  Who had she been to choose?  Choose for trillions.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But they all spun on, only a few brass knowing what had been in front of her at the end.  That report had been fun to file, Kadian typing it all out for her as she recounted what happened in a dry tone.  No need to get broken up about it.  No need to stare down how close her choice had come to wiping out the geth and killing EDI—EDI protected from the full force of destruction by the Normandy’s mass effect envelope, and the geth’s unique networked structure letting them contain the overload.  Only a bit of luck had kept her from committing genocide.  Again.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Finally,” EDI continued, and Zahra blinked.  Somewhere she’d stopped paying attention, dragged into the constant whirl of thoughts that she couldn’t quite order.  “The turian Hierarchy has proposed a marital alliance between Palaven and Tuchanka, and Garrus’s name is currently at the top of the list.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s good,” Zahra subvocalized, and then EDI’s tone caught up with her.  Squeezing her eyes shut tight, she tried not to picture Garrus being led to an altar like an ancient Earth shotgun wedding.  She failed.  The corners of her lips twitched up, and she held a laugh in her chest.  “Deserved that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I noticed you were not paying attention, at least not fully, Shepard.  Is there something else you want to talk about?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zahra stared out the window into the starry darkness beyond the pane of glass.  Once, she’d thought she’d find answers out there.  Or something like answers.  A new path, a new way, a new self.  She’d found something alright, something that had killed her twice over, and taken a whole lot of other good people with it.  Had almost taken more.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But there were no answers in the night.  She should sleep, should turn over, curl herself around Kaidan and drift off.  Still, EDI stayed in her ear, at her shoulder.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The wreckage of the galaxy was all around her.  Was in her ear.  She wasn’t sure if it would ever be fixed, ever get really put back together, because nothing could be like it was before.  There never had been any going back, but she had no idea how to go forward.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I had a choice,” she said into the night.  To the one visitor who couldn’t visit physically because of what she’d done.  Who she had nearly destroyed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The pause lasted half a second.  A full second.  Two.  Three.  Zahra got to ten before EDI said, “I have learned that there is always a choice, Shepard.  Knowing you, you made the only one you ever could have.  I find no fault in it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She smiled around the scars and wires, and though the skin pulled it didn’t hurt.  “Thanks, EDI,” she whispered, “talk to you tomorrow.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course, Shepard.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was no difference, save for the sense that no one was listening to her now.  That she was alone with Kaidan in the darkness again.  But the darkness was not absolute.  There was a way forward, and this time she wouldn’t have to find it alone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Never had been answers, only choices.  It was maybe time to start thinking about the ones she had ahead of her, not the ones she’d already made.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Restart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The relays repaired, many on the Normandy's crew have other places to be, but at least there's time enough to say goodbye.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nothing could last forever.  Zahra had learned that the hard way.  Multiple times.  It just felt like her physical therapy was going to.  She could barely fucking sit up on her own.  Apparently, hitting every I-beam on the way down in a collapsing space station was bad for you.</p><p>Who would’ve thought?</p><p>Sweat slicked down her face and soaked her tank top as she rolled to her side for the thousandth time that day and pushed herself up on shaking, scarred arms.  Panting, she pushed one last time and sat upright.  Her back and abs protested, but she wasn’t about to let them win.  Oh, <em> fuck </em> no.</p><p>“Shouldn’t you have someone spotting you, Shepard?”  The unexpected voice startled her.  Hadn’t even heard the door open.  Starting, Zahra almost fell over only for the cool blue of Liara’s biotics to keep her from sprawling indignantly on the floor.  “Kaidan at least should be here.”</p><p>“We worked out a deal,” she said dryly, shaking off the buzz of Liara’s biotics from her shoulders.  “I do my exercises without any witnesses, and he doesn’t hire some chipper physical therapist I’ll want to punch inside of five minutes.”</p><p>Liara’s brow raised slightly in an expression Zahra was half certain the kid lifted from her. But she shook her head and let out a low huff of amusement.  Crossing her legs under her, Liara sat down on the mat.  Zahra reached out one hand and pulled a water bottle to herself, leaving a metal-ozone tang in the air.  At least that was still working.  The water was cool and most if it made it onto her mouth.  </p><p>“So, what’s up?  Did you get some news from Thessia?”</p><p>“Yes, I did.”</p><p>Zahra rolled her eyes.  “Don’t be Shadow Broker evasive with me, kid.  Lay it out.”</p><p>Blue eyes that had once been bright and enthusiastic were weary.  Couldn’t go through a galaxy wide war without it, but Zahra still regretted it.  Had picked up an academic from a planet three years ago for her Prothean expertise. Had turned her into a soldier without too many second thoughts.</p><p>“The Relays are repaired, Shepard.  Not perfectly, but there was a priority to get them functional as quickly as possible.  Thessia.  It is still in chaos, as many places are, I am certain.  But I—I need to go back.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Zahra agreed quickly.  “Of course you do.”</p><p>“Do you know, some part of me still doesn’t want to?  Doesn’t want to leave you?  I.”  Liara’s gaze slid away, a faint purple blush on her cheeks. “But while you were unconscious, and while we all have been waiting for the Relays to be usable again, I have been doing a lot of thinking.”</p><p>“And what did you figure out?”  Zahra had a pretty damn good idea, but the kid needed to say it.  For herself if nothing else.  Finally, maybe, for herself.</p><p>Liara raised her head, her mouth pressed in a bittersweet half-smile.  “That I need to figure out who I am without you, Shepard.  I rebuilt my life around helping you, and that’s.  That’s not right.  I thought it was necessary while the Reapers were out there, but now.”</p><p>“It’s not enough?”  Liara nodded, and Zahra saw it again.  The double image, Karima’s face a ghost hovering over Liara’s.  Her little sister, so brave, so smart, so good.  She could have been so much if she’d had half a chance.  Could she have been a rabbi, a painter, an actress, a dancer?  Anything she wanted.  </p><p>A smile cut across Zahra’s face as she half fell forward.  Catching herself on Liara’s shoulder, she squeezed tight.  “Good.  Get out there and figure it out, Liara.  And whenever, or if ever, you decide to come back, you’ll be more than welcome.”</p><p>Liara’s smile wasn’t bright, but it wasn’t shadowed either.  That was a good start.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Looking at Earth, hard to imagine what Palaven will be like when I get back.  If there will be any places like this.”</p><p>“I hope there are,” Zahra said.  She leaned back in her chair, a real chair she could walk to.  With crutches, but it was better than being entirely confined to a wheelchair.</p><p>Garrus scuffed his foot across the stone of the patio.  A spring night in Canada, the stars sharp and bright against the fuzzy blue-blackness.  A breeze stirred up, ruffling the fuzz of her hair.  It was just starting to grow back in, complete with a streak of white.  Like a starburst.</p><p>“Hey, Shepard, you remember that story you told me?  About the two wolves inside you?”</p><p>“Yeah, I do.  What about it?”</p><p>His flanges twitched once, and she saw that angry young C-Sec agent next to her all over again.  “It’s gonna be pretty easy to feed the bad one, I think, for a lot of people.  I want to think that people will be better, but I know they won’t.”</p><p>Zahra drummed her fingers on the table and drawled, “Wow Garrus, you’re saying all that after we had a united galactic effort?”</p><p>“The threat is gone now.  No reason to stick together.  Sure, as long as Wrex sits on the krogan, they won’t overrun us I don’t think.  But the rest of the galaxy?” he said dryly, shaking his head.  “The people who were rotten before now just have less restraints.”</p><p>“Really killing my victorious vibe here.”</p><p>“Sorry, Shepard, I—”  </p><p>“Look, I’m not the ray of sunshine kind of person, but Christ, there’s only so much you can do.  Can’t control what assholes do, Garrus, never could.  Maybe you can nudge them here or there, but all you can do is control yourself and what you do.”</p><p>“So what?  Just stop worrying about what other people are going to do?  I’m advising the Primarch, Shepard.  I’m in over my head with politics, which is all about what other people are going to do.”</p><p>“Says who?”  The heavy ridge plates over his eyes rose, the look of surprise nearly human.  “No one says you have to play the game the way it was played.  Make new rules, Garrus, feed the good wolf, figure out what that means for you, and live it.  Fuck the rest.”</p><p>“I.  That.  I mean,” he stammered.  He huffed, shaking his head, and a low chuckle shot through his words.  “Seems I got one last pep talk out of you after all, Shepard.”</p><p>“We’ll call this one your freebie, Vakarian.”  Zahra reached for her crutches, a smile stretching across her face.  A face that didn’t hurt.  She stumped off the porch and onto the grass.  It crunched softly under her booted feet.  He followed, and she braced herself on him and stared up at those stars.  “But I’ll tell you something else about that story.  Dad and I, we made up constellations over Mindoir, and one of them was the two wolves.  To help me remember, I could always look at them.”</p><p>“Don’t know if we’ll find those same stars over Earth.  Or Palaven.” </p><p>“Probably not, but doesn’t hurt to look does it?”</p><p>“No,” he said eventually.  “I suppose it doesn’t.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“So about Traynor,” Zahra drawled as she thumped with her crutches along behind Tali through the wide, grassy field that seperated the house and the orchard.  “How’s that going?”</p><p>“I can outrun you right now, Shepard,” the youngest ever quarian admiral reminded her.  Zahra grimaced at her crutches.  How was it that after two years dead she’d been able to hop up without too many problems, but after two minutes dead and three weeks in a medically induced coma, she was still limping along?  </p><p>At least she could get out of the house on her own now.</p><p>Though.  A glance over her shoulder confirmed Kaidan sitting on the patio.  Totally not keeping an eye on her.  One black eyebrow rose up, but he didn’t take his eyes off his datapad.  Still, she knew he knew that she knew. </p><p>“Don’t remind me.”</p><p>“Then stop asking about me and Sam.  We’re figuring it out, and we don’t need anyone being nosy about it.”</p><p>“Fine,” Zahra huffed as she continued to stomp along after Tali.  Tali who had found a stick and swept it back and forth across the grass.  Kid had never been good at sitting still, and it eased an ache in Zahra’s metal bones to see at least one person move around like the weight of the galaxy wasn’t on their shoulders.  Not anymore.</p><p>“We could talk about how I’m going to have all this!” Tali enthused.  “Just like you, a whole <em> planet </em>.  I mean, I know there’s lots to do, so many things to set up.  And I’ll have to fight off people like Xen to keep the geth protected, but a planet, Shepard.  Air that’s meant to be mine.”  Deep breath in, her chest expanded under the suit, her masked face turned up toward the bright summer sunshine.  It wasn’t quite as warm as summers on Mindoir, but the yellow-orange glow felt good on Zahra’s cheeks all the same.</p><p>“Damn right you will, kid,” Zahra agreed, a smile spreading across her face with only the phantom of pulling wires.  “And I hope you remember who you have to thank for it.”</p><p>Suddenly solemn, Tali nodded.  “I know, Shepard.  I won’t forget Legion, and I won’t let my people forget him either.  We can’t, not if we want to keep from making all the same mistakes all over again.”</p><p>“Well yeah, there’s that.  What I mean was that you should be thanking yourself.  Without you, your people wouldn’t have a home, Tali.  You brought them home, and I don’t want you to forget that.”</p><p>Helmet tilted to the side, Tali’s purple tinted features were thoughtful behind her mask.  “What I won’t forget, Shepard, is what you taught me.”</p><p>“Why am I afraid of what that might be?  I kind of taught you all a lot of things that weren’t so great.”  She tried to crack a smirk, but it was wiped away when Tali’s hand wrapped around her own and squeezed.  Like how Norah had taken her hand when she’d been small, <em> I’m here, Zee, let’s go </em>, she’d say, and they’d go, they’d explore, nothing too small for that bright, inquisitive mind.  </p><p>Zahra eyed Tali out the corner of her eyes, throat tight.</p><p>“You taught me not to give up, no matter what.  Especially when everyone tells you that you should.  You taught me to fight, Shepard, and I don’t know what will happen on Rannoch, but I know I can fight for what’s right now.”</p><p>“All that, huh?”</p><p>“All that.”</p><p>Letting go of her crutches, Zahra staggered and wrapped her arms around Tali and held her tight.  Holding on to the one she saved, for a little bit longer.  “Guess I didn’t do too bad, then.”</p><p>Tali squeezed back.  “You didn’t.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Zahra dug into the waffle, savoring the sight of whipped cream and strawberries sloping down the side.  Gloriana Alenko sighed, almost like she longed for a stack of her own.  </p><p>“Biotics,” she said ruefully, “it never ceases to amaze me.  Whenever Kaidan left home, we had to let the local grocers know so they wouldn’t overstock.  A biotic teenage boy eats more than anyone should.”</p><p>“Thanks, Mom,” Kaidan muttered into his oatmeal.  His shoulders rounded forward, but his dark eyes found Zahra’s grey over the slight smirking curve of his lips.  Zahra shoveled a forkful of deeply unhealthy, sugary breakfast into her mouth and enjoyed some of the best food she could remember since she was a kid.</p><p>“Hey, I really like the stories,” Zahra said.  “And all the baby pictures.  You were an adorable kid.  Chubby little cheeks and the same chin.”</p><p>“You see, <em> hijo? </em>  Zahra likes the stories, and what kind of person would I be if I didn’t tell them?”  Gloriana’s dark eyes danced with amusement and maternal pride.  It was weird, to be around a mother again, to be in a house that was a home.  Weird, but good.  And watching Gloriana mother the whole crew of the Normandy had been hilarious.  James and Wrex and all the tough kids sitting at a table and eating like good little boys.  Was a sight she’d treasure forever.</p><p>Kaidan’s shoulders slumped further, but the amused puff of breath told her it was all for show.  Or at least mostly.  “I can’t win, can I?”</p><p>“Nope,” Zahra said, popping a strawberry into her mouth. </p><p>Kaidan shook his head and tried to suppress a chuckle.  His mother didn’t even try.  Her dark eyes lit up with her laughter, so like her own son’s.  Spoon clinking on the side of the bowl, Kaidan scooped up the last of his oats while Gloriana poured herself a cup of coffee.</p><p>Nothing lasted forever.  People changed, society changed, hell, even the stars changed.  A smile stretched across her face, the lingering tug of wires barely felt.  But this, right here, right now.  It was good, and if Zahra wasn’t sure where she was going next it was sure as hell a good place to start from.</p><p>“I must tell you, Zahra, it is so good to have another woman in the house.”  Gloriana grinned as she set down her coffee mug and gave Zahra an impromptu one-armed hug.  Zahra half-froze, still startled by how effusive Kaidan’s mother was.  “I should make up the good bacon.”</p><p>Zahra frowned.  “You mean to tell me, I haven’t been getting the good bacon from the start?”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Matzevah</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The number of funerals after the war didn't seem to end, but this one.  This one was the toughest.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Today was the day. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kadian stood in their bedroom with his back to her, shoulders rigid in the stiff dress uniform.  Zahra let her walking stick thump heavily on the hardwood floors, giving him a bit of warning.  Head raising up as she got closer, he fussed at the cuffs like there was anything he could to make them less tight.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She eyed him up and down, tugging at the hem of the jacket and nodding like she was satisfied.  The corners of his mouth quirked upwards at the sheer oddity of her going for the spic and span look, but the tightness around his eyes didn’t go away.  It only made the dark circles under them all the more stark.  Fuck, there had been enough funerals to last a lifetime, but this one.  This one was the hardest one she’d been to since her family had been lowered into the ground on Mindoir.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It wasn’t her pain that she was fighting this time.  It was his.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Setting her stick against the wall she grabbed his hand, threading her fingers through his and let their fields brush, the ozone and static tingling across her skin.  Across his, too.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A heavy, pained breath left him, the kind that came up from the gut and caved a chest in.  “Thank you,” he said thickly.  “Thank you for being here.  I know that, I know that funerals aren’t your—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey.”  It wasn’t the word that did anything, it was her tone.  Soft and quiet, two things she typically wasn’t.  “Hey, you need to be there for your mom, so I’m going to be here for you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His forehead dipped and pressed against hers as his eyes clamped shut.  Shut tight against the tears she could just make out building up along his dark lashes.  Fingers dug into his hair, holding him close, and she breathed.  Just breathed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Never had been good at taking care of people, at least she hadn’t used to be.  Before the SR-1 had filled up with kids who needed looking after, before Kolyat and Sarah had demanded her attention because their family had died on her watch, before she’d learned that sometimes just being around was enough. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His breath tickled her cheek, and bit by bit the tension in his neck and shoulders bled away.  Only an inch taller than her, and never big, Kaidan leaned into her and she was able to bear up his weight.  Metal bones and reinforced joints held where flesh was still healing, but she didn’t mind.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This wasn’t the first funeral they’d been to.  Wouldn’t be the last.  Javik’s had been observed quietly, after they’d found his body among the front line soldiers.  His revenge had brought him to his end at last.  Anderson’s had been all pomp and circumstance and completely wrong.  Jae’s had been quieter, smaller.  Covert ops never did get showy funerals.  But Zahra had put stones on both their markers, like she’d been taught to do.  Like she never had on Mindoir.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe she’d go back now, could go back now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There were also a lot of funerals they weren’t going to.  Zahra held that in front of her mind.  Sarah and Kolyat had turned up in a refugee camp on Tuchanka after escaping the Citadel, and somehow the Normandy ground crews had made it through the fire.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This funeral, though.  This one wasn’t a big, showy display of heroic honor or a quiet observance of service in the shadows.  This was for a man who had served openly and honorably and retired.  And still gone back into the fight.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was a funeral of one man who had done his duty even when it hadn’t been asked of him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bright July sunlight streamed in through the window, making dust motes dance in the silence.  Kaidan’s breathing hitched, and his fingers dug into her biceps.  She didn’t move, didn’t pull away.  Just kept her arms around him.  Slowly, his breathing evened out in that too-even controlled way he had, but it was the best he could manage.  That was enough, too.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay,” he said past dry lips and in a ragged voice.  “I should go help Mom with setup.  She’s probably fussing over everything.  And then.”  He gulped in a shaky draw of air, like a man straining for oxygen.  “Then it’ll be time to.  Time to start.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>To start the funeral.  Out where a headstone waited, inscribed with the name of a man she had never met.  </span>
  <em>
    <span>Vasily Stepan Alenko.</span>
  </em>
  <span>  A man who had given his son his height and lean build and that same sense of duty that had propelled him into the Alliance and Zahra’s orbit.  She owed the man a lot.  More than she could ever repay.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zahra’s hand squeezed Kaidan’s, and she wasn’t about to let go.  “At your six, Alenko.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He huffed, and swallowed heavily, but there was something like a grin curving his mouth.  If only barely.  “Never doubted it for a second, Shepard.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Matzevah means “sacred pillar” in Hebrew and is also the marking for a grave.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Unexpected</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Anderson told her she'd make a good mother.  Zahra isn't so sure.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“That’s odd.”  Miranda pursed her lips as she pondered the medical readout.  Zahra sat up on the medical bed as much as her still healing body would allow.  Nearly half a year, and she was still half broken.  Half broken, and still living on the Alenko orchard with only general intention that she should get the N-program going again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Anderson would have wanted that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Odd?” Kaidan asked.  He zeroed in on Miranda like a targeting turret.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh!  No, nothing bad.  Not good or bad really.  Just, unexpected.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s what I want to hear today, Miranda,” she drawled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on, roll up that sleeve again, I want another sample.”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know, I’m thinking of getting a shunt installed.  I think that would make this process a lot less annoying.”  She tried to catch Kaidan’s eye and get him to crack a smile, but he wasn’t having it.  He just glared at Miranda fit to burn a hole in her head.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“For who?  You or me?” Miranda asked archly as she jabbed the needle home.  Zahra shrugged, forcing Miranda to adjust her hold on Zahra’s arm.  The small tube filled with blood, red and just a bit viscous.  She’d seen enough of it in her life, a rainbow of blood.  A lot of the red had been her own.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She kicked her heels as she sat on the bed in the study turned medical lab.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, what’s the verdict, not-doc?”  She grinned sharply as Miranda sighed on cue.  Worked every time.  There were a few perks to Miranda having decided to stay on Earth and consult for the Alliance.  Medical service she could be sarcastic at was high on the list.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The verdict, Zahra,” Miranda said slowly, and spared one concerned flicker in Kaidan’s direction, “is that you’re pregnant.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What the—how the—</span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”  Was that ringing just in her ears or was an air raid siren going off?  Zahra’s mouth hung open stupidly, and she pointed an accusing finger to the lab equipment.  “It’s wrong!  I have an implant, Miranda!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And, it’s been giving out a false positive,” she replied, calling up a readout from her implant.  The green for good it displayed a complete fucking lie.  “It was most likely damaged when you fell, but it kept sending out a signal that it was in working order.  Look, your implant isn’t a smart-system, but I ran a diagnostic all the same after—after we found you.  When it came back as functioning normally, I left it alone.  Your cybernetics were our first priority.  We </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> to get your vital systems up and running.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zahra gripped the edge of the bed tight.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How,” Kaidan hesitated like there was something stuck in his throat.  “How far along is she?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  Her heart rate spiked, and the world tilted in a very not fun way.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Only a month.  Five weeks at the most.  If you want to keep the baby, we need to remove the implant right away, even if it isn’t working.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zahra licked her lips and regarded Miranda from underneath black brows.  “And if I don’t?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A pin drop would have been deafening in the aftermath of that question.  She might as well have ordered a tactical nuke strike.  On a high population target.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If you don’t.”  Miranda crossed her arms and shifted her weight awkwardly before drawing herself back up to perfect posture.  “If you don’t, then we need to do that right away, too.  And get you a new implant.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, that.  That makes sense.”  She hopped down from the bed.  Didn’t even shake.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Zee, can we at least talk about this?”  Kaidan gripped her arm.  Tight.  Too many emotions to count flickered across his face, and she could barely look at him.  But she drew in a breath and for once managed to count to ten.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I need to think about this.  </span>
  <em>
    <span>Me</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  By myself.  Hey, you wanted me to talk to someone, so here I am, implementing my new processing management plan thanks to my therapist.  Which is a fucking stupid name for sitting under a tree on a big ass hill, but there it is.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not a good time to be joking around, Zee.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good thing I’m not joking around, then.”  Hands curled into fists, and their biotic fields clashed an echo of the clash and break of Horizon rather than the crack and pull that got them into this situation in the first place.  “I need to </span>
  <em>
    <span>process, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Kay, and I’m pretty sure I’m allowed to do that in my own way, in my own fucking time.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He scrubbed a hand over his face, shadows appearing behind his eyes all too quickly.  She wanted to shake him for it.  Wanted to shake herself.  But she wasn’t going to figure this out with people around her.  He sighed, acquiescence in the slump of his shoulders and wave of his hand.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Go on, process.  But I </span>
  <em>
    <span>will </span>
  </em>
  <span>come check on you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Checking in is allowed.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hobbling down the hallway, she pulled on a pair of sturdy hiking boots and picked up her walking stick from by the door.  A simple staff of plain, polished oak, it was better than having a cane.  And she could say it was her bear-defense stick instead of just a walking aid.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Never mind that her real plan for bears was to biotic charge them.  If it worked on a krogan, it would handle a bear.  Or so she hoped.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey Miranda,” she called halfway out the door.  “Stick around, might need you when I get back.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll be here, Zahra, but I do have a </span>
  <em>
    <span>job</span>
  </em>
  <span> you know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Really, first I’m hearing about this.  You never mentioned it,” she shouted across the house.  Then she was out the door.  The full force of the Canadian November hit her in the face.  Hiding her face behind a scarf and turtling into her puffy coat, Zahra trudged up the hill behind the house.  The apple trees were bare this time of year, and their skeletal branches bent alarmingly in the fierce north wind.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As a processing device, sitting under a tree on a hill was good in theory.  Less than ideal in practice when stranded in the wilds of Canada.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Though Kaidan and Gloriana insisted this was far from the wildest place.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mindoir had never been this cold.  The settlement had been built in the lower mid-lats, nearer to the equator.  Mild winters, and if summers were hot, there was plenty of water to go swimming in.  The frozen ground crunched under boots and stick in a steady </span>
  <em>
    <span>clomp-clomp-thud</span>
  </em>
  <span> rhythm.  Her legs ached, but not as bad as they used to, and her breath didn’t catch or stick in her throat.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then she gained the top of the hill and there was her Thinking Tree.  It was a fine old oak tree.  The same tree she’d gotten her walking stick from.  Pressing her back against the tree, the bark tugged at her hair.  The cold was good though, the cold helped her focus.  Kept away the burn of the wires under her face.  She hadn’t felt that heat in months, and that was something.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A kid. Jesus </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>, a kid.  Only thing she should parent was a krogan, not a fragile human baby that needed someone who was gentle and patient and a whole of things she wasn’t.  Her hand pressed over her lower abdomen.  So </span>
  <em>
    <span>weird</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  A life in her, after all the death dealt out.  No, not weird.  Might just be wrong, after everything.  While the galaxy was still reeling, while there were people out there who had lost everything, while— </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Zee.”  Kaidan’s burr was soft on the cold breeze, but it ran down her spine like always and snapped her out of her own thoughts.  He stood a few paces down the hill, looking up at her with worry-arched eyebrows.  “Just checking up on you.  Been an hour.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right, yeah.”  Still no closer to a decision, to knowing what she wanted.  She’d wanted to be a soldier, to make sure she was never </span>
  <em>
    <span>too late</span>
  </em>
  <span> ever again.  Been there, done that, got the commemorative mug.  Anything that wasn’t Alliance?  Huge fucking mystery.  Kaidan sat down next to her, shoulder to shoulder, his field a steady ebb and flow against her own, the gentle lap of biotic static a phantom kiss.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Into the growing wind, she huffed.  “Anderson said I’d make a good mom.  But then he said any kid would be proud to have me as a mom.  Think there should be better criteria for being a parent than being </span>
  <em>
    <span>me.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is that what this is about?  You don’t know if you’ll be a good parent?  Pretty sure most people think that.”  His smile was warm and soft and had the promise of everything she didn’t know she’d wanted until she’d had it and lost it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And some people are </span>
  <em>
    <span>right</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  I mean, how many terrible parents have our friends had?  Wrex’s dad tried to kill him—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh, krogan.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Human example then, Miranda’s father—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Was a narcissistic sociopath of terrifying proportions.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“People have said the same about me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, but you talk to a therapist.  You’ve had personal growth.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Think so?  Seems like this is the opposite of growth.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Zee, look.  I—I can get it.  You’ve had a lot done to you without your consent.  And if.  If that’s your choice, well.  I’m still here.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’d really be okay with that?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They didn’t look at each other.  Didn’t need to.  She could picture how he went unnaturally still, keeping himself contained and controlled.  He could probably picture the arch of her scarred eyebrow and the challenge on her hawkish face.  Then he let it all out, and his voice was thick but steady.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not going to lie, it’d be hard.  Really hard.   I haven’t—I haven’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>planned</span>
  </em>
  <span> anything, if that’s what you’re wondering.  Didn’t build a picture of what I wanted our life to be like, just that it’d be... our life.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Our life, huh?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yup.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Our life</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  That had a nice sound to it.  Not just her life and his life, but </span>
  <em>
    <span>our life</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  Mine and yours and ours all together and mixed up complete with a genetic recombination.  Maybe the kid would be the better parts of them put together.  Space black and stark white strands of her hair caught in the bark of the tree as the wind kept playing with it.  The white streak was a gift from dying for a second time, the trauma of the Citadel exploding around her.  She tucked it back behind her ears and stuffed her hat on her head.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>On his knee, his hand rested palm up.  She took it and gripped it tight.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> think I’d make a good mom, Kay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Let’s see, you took care of Tali and Liara when they were just kids, really.  Looked out for them and helped them a lot.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Eh, that was more big-sistering.  I don’t think that counts.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What about Grunt?  You joke that he’s your krogan son, but you kind of half think it's true.  Look at him now.  Leader of a company, and mostly not causing property damage.”   The roll of her eyes gave him all the excuse he needed to chuckle lowly, to let out a little tension.  His voice, though, that honey over gravel burr was gentle, and she turned toward him, falling for his gravity all over again.  The wind made the branches creak overhead and chapped his ears red, but he was smiling.  “Hey, you take care of people.  If they’re your people, they are </span>
  <em>
    <span>yours</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  And you back them up through hell if you have to, Zee.  I’m pretty sure that’s what parents are supposed to do.  Any kid of yours, they’re gonna have the toughest, fiercest person in the whole galaxy on their team.  So yeah, I think you’ll be a great mom.  Maybe not a conventional mom, but who wants that?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zahra squinted, trying to picture that.  Not just think about it, not just process the concept.  But really picture that.  Her with a tiny human in her arms.  </span>
  <em>
    <span>Her</span>
  </em>
  <span> tiny human.  “So,” she said slowly, the picture starting to come into focus, “while I’m being this awesome mom, who is tough and fierce and all that, what does that leave you with?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Emotional support,” he said without missing a beat.  “I’ll make the kid cookies and who knows?  Maybe I can learn to knit little hats.  Baby hats are pretty cute.”  The image pulled a laugh up from her belly, and that at least she didn’t have any trouble picturing.  Kaidan as a dad, that she could see.  Kind of wanted to see, now that she had an image of it in her head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aw, shit, Kay, it hurts to laugh, God.  Okay,” she said breathlessly.  “Okay.  Why the fuck not?  You hear that, you little—hey, how big is it at four weeks?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Poppy seed.  What?”  I might’ve looked it up.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright, then.  Hear that Poppy Seed?  You got some really weird, fucked up parents, but you’ve got us through hell and back, kiddo.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zahra pressed her hand to her stomach.  That was weird.  Weird and new and completely out of left field.  Nothing she’d planned on, but then she hadn’t planned on a lot in her life.  Some of the best times in her life she hadn’t planned.  Some of the worst, too.  And maybe that was having a kid.  All the best and worst stuff wrapped up in one package.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She’d saved the galaxy, sure.  Somehow, </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span> was the most daunting thing she’d ever contemplated.  Really didn’t want to fuck it up.  Squeezing Kaidan’s hand, she hunkered down lower into her puffy coat.  Sun was starting to go down, and they should probably get back.  Night happened fast at these latitudes.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Alenko.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What is it, Shepard?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can we go inside now?  It’s cold as fuck out here.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ha!  Alright, here, you can lean on me.”  He hauled her up and wrapped her arm around his waist.  Stick held loose in her hand, she let him take some of her weight.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It takes a while for a place to feel like home.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The buildings were mostly intact.  That was the first surprise.  Zahra walked unaided through the overturned desks, the hastily push backed chairs, not sure what she was really looking for.  Some memory to come flooding back, when she had walked these hallways and been pushed past limits she didn’t even know she’d had.  Memories of Anderson walking through the very place that had made him just as it had made her.  Or Jae-min, sharp edges and mama bear habits, who had gone down holding a sniper’s position to cover a retreat.  So had gone the Butcher of Torfan.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The N-School wasn’t quite so badly off as she’d expected.  There was at least something to rebuild, something to start up again.  A vague notion was slowly turning into reality.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Warm, tropical sunshine streamed in through large, half-shattered windows.  She turned her face toward it, warming sandy skin.  Stark white lines traced here she’d been pieced back together a second time, where grafts had taken and covered over twisting burns.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Remade again, but this time she got to keep all her scars.  It was better that way.  Maybe she’d do the same here.  Let some of the scars stay.  A reminder of what had come before.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Though, everything was changing.  She knuckled the small of her back.  No big bump yet, just a slight extension around the middle, but the kid was already changing things.  It was going to be different, staying on Earth, overseeing a school, being a mom.  The last was the weirdest, and she was still wrapping her head around it.  But at least she wasn’t alone for any of it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, first thing, we need some environmental control.”  Kaidan glared at a fried-out console on the wall.  Sweat damped his t-shirt and covered his face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?  Can’t handle the heat, Alenko?”  Zahra grinned at him, the warmth welcome after a whole dark winter in Canada dragging her body through enough physical therapy to finally ditch the walking stick.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not the heat, it's the humidity, Shepard.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Honestly—</span>
  <em>
    <span>ow</span>
  </em>
  <span>, what was that?”  Traynor’s voice drifted through the hallway, along with the clatter of metal and a dose of furtive, roden scurrying.  “Are there rats here?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Probably.”  Zahra shrugged.  “Or something else.  We are in the tropics now.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Please don’t remind me.”  Traynor’s face twisted up with distaste with a bit of worry in the way she eyed the walls like they were hostile.  Biting the inside of her cheek, Zahra managed not to laugh.  Vega laughed enough for them both anyway.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sammy, you gotta relax, girl.  You’ve faced down Reapers, and a bit of tropical wildlife gets you worried?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, the Reapers were a terrifying existential threat to all life, but I </span>
  <em>
    <span>hate</span>
  </em>
  <span> rats.  And snakes.  And bugs.  And it just so happens that Brazil is full of those things!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re a weird one, you know that?  Ah, but I like ya anyway,” Vega said, as he slung an arm around her shoulders.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Traynor’s mouth flattened into a sarcastic line.  “Oh, for a moment there I wasn’t sure how I would go on.”  Traynor wigged out of Vega’s grip and smacked him with her datapad.  Only made him laugh.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Poor kid, still beholden to the Alliance and not able to go to Rannoch.  Kaidan had quietly informed her about Traynor’s escalating communications bill, sending vids through the reconstructed relays all the way to the Far Rim.  Zahra had started comping it, filing it under vital information gathering part of her budget.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Still, the problem of getting Traynor to where she wanted to be was one she couldn’t solve right away.  At least Vega was approximately where he wanted to be, which was at a currently derelict special forces training facility. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Examining the place with a critical eye, Zahra waited for memories to float up from the back of her mind.  Sure, she could picture Miles and Jae and other recruits she’d known, but the memories didn’t come thick and fast and leave a bitter-metal taste in the back of her throat.  Maybe that meant she was finally getting better.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Or she was just better at dealing with the weird shit in her head now that she wasn’t under the gun to save the galaxy.  Hard to tell.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Either way, she was back, and if it wasn’t exactly like coming home, that was okay.  Homes probably never started off feeling like homes anyway.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Adventure</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Parenthood, probably a crazier adventure than saving the galaxy.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“You know what, no, I’m good.  She can just stay in there.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She eyed the car warily, and gave Kaidan the same treatment.  He held her by the elbow because she was massively pregnant and apparently stairs were a real and present danger.  Just the stairs down to where the car waited outside their house to whisk her away to the hospital to get this kid born.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Zahra—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t you </span>
  <em>
    <span>Zahra</span>
  </em>
  <span> me!”  The sharp retort made him smile for some stupid reason.  She couldn’t think of why.  “No, I’ve thought about it, and she’s fine where she is.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, alright, talk to me.  What’s going on?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>going on</span>
  </em>
  <span>, is that I’m about to have a baby.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sort of noticed that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right, and that means a </span>
  <em>
    <span>new life</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  All brand new, with no idea of what’s out there, and she’s going to be counting on </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span> to keep her safe?  </span>
  <em>
    <span>Me, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Kaidan.  And.”  She waved her hand helplessly.  It was the hormones talking, really.  But not really.  Because she thought she’d settled this when she’d first found out.  It was scary, but she wanted to </span>
  <em>
    <span>try</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  But now the kid was due to be born, and her mouth was dry and her palms were sweating.  She’d faced down </span>
  <em>
    <span>Reapers</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  She’d </span>
  <em>
    <span>died</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  Twice.  But the prospect of life was one that sent a chill down her back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And you aren’t alone,” he said softly, catching her hand and pressing his lips to her scarred knuckles.  His warm brown eyes held hers, and let out a slow breath.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her fingers tightened on his hard enough to go pale, hard enough it had to hurt, but he squeezed back.  Then the kid kicked, and the movement startled a laugh out of her.  “Sorry, kid, Mom’s just a bit nervous about meeting you.  We’ll have you out and kicking Dad in no time.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Been looking forward to it.”  His smile was slow as a winter sunrise, but it held all the love in the galaxy for her and the life they’d made.  “Now, are you good to get in the car, or should I tell them we’ll be late?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah,” she grumbled and started down the stairs but then paused.  Letting go of Kaidan’s hand she waddled back up the steps and pressed her fingers to the small stone with the engraved </span>
  <em>
    <span>shin</span>
  </em>
  <span> on it.  “Wish me luck.  Think I’m gonna need it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her family notified, she allowed Kaidan to get the car and put on her game face.  “Okay, let’s get this mission started.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Pretty sure most people don’t talk about c-sections as missions, but whatever helps you, Zee.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Trust me.  </span>
  <em>
    <span>It helps</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Zahra stared up at the dark ceiling, trying not to think about how weird it was that they kept her awake for this.  The lower half of her body was hidden behind a sheet.  Had freaked out the doctors when she’d asked to have the sheet removed.  If she was awake, she might as well </span>
  <em>
    <span>see</span>
  </em>
  <span> what was going on.  Standard procedure, apparently.  Not like she hadn’t seen worse, but that was how the doctors liked it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kaidan squeezed her hand, and it would take someone who knew him to see how nervous he was.  The slight shift of his shoulders, the way he kept marking exits, and how evenly he breathed.  He only breathed that even when he was keeping a tight lid on things.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She glanced up at him and smiled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’ll be alright, Kay.  I’m here.”  After her mental stumble at the car, she passed beyond nerves and into some zen-like state she’d never reached before.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Pretty sure I’m here to comfort </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”  He raised an eyebrow at her and his grin became a little less forced.  “What’ve they got you on?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing.  Just a local.  My implants process toxins too fast, remember?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right, forgot.”  He kissed her forehead and brushed her hair back from her face.  She was trying to grow it out again, but people kept telling her she’d cut it short once the baby started grabbing at everything.  “You’re doing great, by the way.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How’d you—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A quiet mutter from the doctors and nurses around her lower half cut her off, and she and Kaidan both tensed.  His biotic field crackled to life, and she had to suppress hers.  That instinct would </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> help.  Then the doctors shifted, and lifted, and a baby’s cry filled the operating room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zahra’s heart stopped.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kaidan didn’t so much as breathe.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Already her arms ached to hold that tiny life, that spark of light in a galaxy that had almost been snuffed out.  Would she know?  Would she understand what a miracle she was?  Her and every child like her born after what should have been the apocalypse?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her vision blurred, and she nearly sat up as the nurses whisked the bundle away.  Kaidan’s hands on her shoulders kept her from moving more.  “They’re just cleaning her up and weighing her.  Doctor Chakwas told us about this.  They’re not taking her away.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then, after far too long and while they were closing up her uterus and muscles and skin—what was one more scar to her, especially when it was a scar that meant life instead of death?—they placed her daughter in her arms.  Kaidan scooted closer, his arms holding them both as much as possible.  They drank in the sight of their daughter, all red and pinched and wrinkly, but with a thick patch of black hair already on her head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She’s perfect.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Like her mom.”   </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And that’s your first lesson, kiddo,” she said, letting one tiny hand curl about her finger.  “Daddy bullshits.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kaidan’s laugh was a rumble in her ear, and she leaned into it.  He dropped a kiss to her temple, and then ever so gently pressed his lips to the top of their daughter’s head.  “Mommy acts all tough, but don’t let it fool you.  She’s got a heart big enough for the whole galaxy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pale eyes, eyes that might darken like her father’s or turn grey like her mother’s, blinked owlishly at the strange people who were drunk on the life they’d made.  Zahra gazed in wonder at her next adventure.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Gifts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>There are many kinds of gifts.  The best one Zahra could have asked for was getting to live her life on her own terms.  And seeing her family and crew do the same.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Life kept going on, surviving turning into thriving.  Thriving and changing while the galaxy spun on and rebuilt and fought, because of course people still found bullshit to fight over.  But it wasn’t Zahra’s problem anymore.  The scope of her life had narrowed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Narrow scope, but </span>
  <em>
    <span>full</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Full in a way that she hadn’t realized was possible.  At least not for herself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>All that family stuff she’d thought she’d left behind at eighteen had hit her full in the face.  It wasn’t just holding her daughter, it was seeing Gloriana coo at baby Sophie with a soft, “Come to </span>
  <em>
    <span>Abuela</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Because Sophie didn’t just have Zahra and Kaidan and Gloriana.  She had Samara who held a baby with the same grandmotherly kind of care and the softest expression Zahra had ever seen on the Justicar’s face.  She had Grunt, who barreled onto Earth like a meteor, but gently held that small body and touched his rough-plated head to baby-soft skin and rumbled, “Welcome to the clan, little Shepard.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The galaxy hobbled on, but she saw Vega through the first round of N-training and watched him go off into the galaxy to do whatever good he could.   </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eventually, she managed to get Traynor a posting on Rannoch, followed a year later with a request to officiate their wedding.  Standing on the deck of the Normandy, Zahra discharged one last duty as the captain of a vessel, and Kaidan only kind of made her cry when afterwards he put an arm around her shoulders and whispered, “You did good, Zee.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>If only everyone she knew could figure out shit like that for themselves.  She was damn near beating her head against the desk when Garrus was still oblivious to the fact that Dr. Michele had been in love with him for years, and that her work on Palaven for turian recovery efforts might just be a good reason to stay close to him.  While Sophie screamed herself purple, Zahra walked Garrus through the logic, managed not to laugh when he figured it out, and then cut the comms to figure out why her daughter was crying this time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her daughter, who even in the middle of crying and spitting up and pooping everywhere, made Zahra realize something she never thought she’d think, not in a million years.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I want another baby,” she said, making Kaidan practically do a spit take.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh, not that I’m objecting, but are you sure?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She’s the best thing I’ve ever done, Kay.  The only unequivocal good.  So yeah, I do.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How many kids are you going to want here?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The question made her smile, because it meant he already had agreed.  “Just two.  I don’t want to be outnumbered.  That’s giving them numerical superiority and a tactical blunder.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His chest rumbled in laughter as he said, “I should’ve guessed that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Because Kaidan had been right.  When someone was </span>
  <em>
    <span>hers</span>
  </em>
  <span>, they were </span>
  <em>
    <span>hers</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  Her crew, her friends, her family.  Even if they had never been on the deck of the Normandy.  Because Zahra found reasons to talk to Sarah and all the Williams women, even if they didn’t need keeping an eye on, she knew it was what Ash would have wanted.  It was even easier to encourage Kolyat’s interest in working with refugee kids, as disaffected and lost as he had once been.  Thane would have been so proud of his son, and Zahra found she was, too.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And sure, there were down beats.  The galaxy wasn’t entirely peaceful, but even in the narrow scope of her concern, life threw her a few nasty curves.  The fight to get EDI recognized as a fully sentient and autonomous person took way too damned long, and Joker agonized throughout the whole process.  Miranda’s adoption application was complicated by her father’s legacy and her own ties to Cerberus.  It took a personal recommendation from </span>
  <em>
    <span>the</span>
  </em>
  <span> Commander-turned-Admiral Shepard to put the damn thing through.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Still, she would never forget the first time Sophie or Alex walked, their first words, their first use of biotics.  Or Kadian’s panic that they would be taken away from them and studied, the first natural human biotics.  Only for Jack to promise that anyone who tried to take the kids away would find themselves killed, but she said she drew the line at babysitting.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The days of living on board the ship were behind her, but not entirely.  The special forces that trained at the new N-school needed oversight now and again, and somehow James always got himself to whatever station she was on and after a quick hello, he found the kids—because she didn’t see the point of leaving them behind if she was going to stay on a station—and turned himself into a living jungle gym.  Or the occasional diplomatic mission to Tuchanka, Wrex only really willing to talk to her, if only because they could swear and drink and not cause a galactic war while they talked straight.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She actually read her email on time, and laughed herself sick when Tali complained about Sam’s initial hesitation and later maniacal research about having a child.  “Spreadsheets, Shepard.  She has spreadsheets for potential donors.”  But all the same, Zahra called in the Normandy to get her to Rannoch in time to hold Tali’s hand while she brought a new life into the world.  A life that would never know being placed in a bubble or seeing the world only ever through a mask.  A life that would be loved by both her mothers, and grow up just as free as Sophie and Alex.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And sometimes, old friends took a little while to find their way back.  It wasn’t until Liara made full professor that Zahra heard from her again, an invitation to her tenure investure party.  If Liara was still the Shadow Broker, at least that wasn’t all she was anymore.  She had started to find her way on her own terms.  Zahra didn’t hesitate buying the tickets to Thessia.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ten years of life, gone by in a blink, full of chaos of a different sort.  For three years, her life had been shaped by the entropic chaos of death.  Had been measured out in seconds until the end, when the Reapers would come.  But now, pushing forty found Zahra Shepard in a whirlwind of the banal, mundane tasks of </span>
  <em>
    <span>living</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was a gift.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Landed</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The long flight of her life from Mindoir to now, Zahra Shepard has finally landed in a stable orbit she'd never thought she'd know.</p>
<p>No holds barred fluff a-hoy!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Zahra tugged on the dress.  What in God’s name had made her think she should wear a dress?  At least she’d stopped the madness before getting delicate heeled shoes.  That would’ve been awful.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was a soft knock on the door, and a familiar voice called out, “Shepard?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aunty Tali!”  Sophia launched herself out of her chair, her dress flouncing around her, and flung the door open.  Tali grunted under the impact of an enthusiastic hug from a nine-year-old who was half battering ram.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Sophie, how’s your mom?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nervous!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Traitor,” Zahra accused her daughter.  Sophia giggled and dodged away from Zahra’s attempt to tickle her.  She dashed around Tali and squeezed between Jack and Samara, capturing both their hands.  Jack pretended not to care, but Samara smiled down at Sophia.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, at least you’re actually in a dress,” were the first words out of Miranda’s mouth.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What, did you think I’d wear my dress uniform?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well,” she drawled.  Her gaze shifted away guiltily.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Give her a little credit, Miranda,” Liara said, almost sly.  “You should have seen her when we had a girl’s night on the Citadel.  I seem to remember a sparkly gold top.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sam blinked.  “You had girl’s nights?  Why was this story never told?  Seems like a story I should have been told.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Only the one, actually,” Tali clarified.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It involved a car chase,” Liara offered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But you’re forgetting the most important part, Liara.  The killer boots!” Tali added and then pointedly glanced down at Zahra’s feet.  Which were still bare.  “Please tell me you got the killer boots again.  They certainly got Kaidan’s attention.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Please tell me there are pictures of this,” Jack said eagerly.  “I need proof that she wasn’t born in a uniform.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck you, too, Jack,” Zahra said with a sharp grin.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mom!  Swears!” Sophia admonished.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, Shepard, </span>
  <em>
    <span>swears</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Jack drawled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zahra rolled her eyes and waved away the teasing.  “Anyway, what the hell are all of you doing here?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You did invite us.”  Tali’s face curved in a grin.  Her real face.  No longer hidden behind a mask.  Ten years made a hell of a difference, even if she still wore most of the suit, it was still a kick to see her smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I get why you’re here, on Earth, at the orchard.  But I was more asking why you’re up </span>
  <em>
    <span>here</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  In this room.  Right now.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“According to Miranda and my sources,” EDI began, “it is traditional for the female relations of the bride to offer advice and certain tokens before she is married.  It was posited that </span>
  <em>
    <span>we</span>
  </em>
  <span> could serve that purpose.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What about me?!” Sophia objected.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Samara patted the girl’s hand and said in that sage, cool voice of hers, “You count, little one, which is why you are here.  It is something we should all do together.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sophia’s dark eyes narrowed as she pondered the thought, and then seeming to find no fault with it, smiled.  “You should let them offer you advice and stuff, Mom.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks, kid,” Zahra said dryly.  “Look, you all don’t have to do this.  I appreciate the thought, but—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A gold choker, slimmer than the one Samara habitually wore, but of the same kind of design, was offered up first.  Samara regarded her with the barest curve at the corner of her mouth, but it was her eyes that caught Zahra’s attention.  Pale and blue, often distant, remote, calm, held a rare warmth.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Liara’s breath caught at the sight of the choker.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Something old is the first offering.”  The quiet cadence of Samara’s voice filled the room.  “This piece was given to me by my mother, and to her by hers.  I should have given this away when I took up my life as a Justicar, but Falare asked for it of me, and I did not have the heart to deny her.  But she will never—I would see you have this, Shepard.  May you pass it to your daughter one day.”   </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Samara, I.  Thank you.”  Her throat was tight, and if she started crying now, she wasn’t sure the rest of the day would go well.  Sure crying wasn’t the enemy anymore, but she didn’t need to start bawling right then.  A quiet smile bloomed on that stoic face, and gingerly, Samara fastened the choker around Zahra’s neck.  It closed with a faint snick.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It looks pretty, Mom.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zahra snared her daughter and held her close to drop a kiss on her dark hair.  “I think so, too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Something new gave us a bit of trouble, I’ll admit,” Tali said.  She didn’t fidget quite so much as she used to, but this time she wrung her hands.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Indeed, Shepard,” EDI echoed.  A person in her own right now.  Hadn’t that been a fight and a half, but a good one.  One where she didn’t even have to fire a shot.  “Your tastes are somewhat difficult to determine since you do not wear jewelry.  I did not have enough data to extrapolate, however.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We really hope you’ll like this.  There’s nothing else like them.  We checked.”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Unlike the giant gaudy “Victory Ring” EDI had given her once, the slim, gold bracelets looked fairly plain.  Zahra let Tali and EDI secure one around each of her wrists.  Sophia grabbed her arms and inspected them closely.  Now that she was looking at them, they shimmered faintly, and they felt weirdly heavy for that thin a band of gold.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then Sophia tapped one, her small mass effect field sparking off the bracelets.  “Cool!  They’re biotic activated!  These are awesome!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, it took a little bit of engineering,” Tali admitted.  “They can generate a shield off of a small mass effect charge that you can supply directly.  First of its kind tech.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not sure what it says that you guys think I still need to use shields.”  Zahra’s voice was dry, but she pressed her hands firmly to Sophia’s chest and bled off her field.  If only to stop her daughter from playing with the things all day.  Sophia rolled her eyes, but didn’t object otherwise.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shielding is always prudent, Shepard,” EDI admonished.  </span>
  <em>
    <span>For you</span>
  </em>
  <span>, went unsaid.  Zahra let it drop.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right, guess that’s my turn,” Jack said without preamble and tossed a pair of ear cuffs at her.  Zahra caught them one handed and smirked at Jack.  “Those are mine, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>borrowed</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  Which means I’m getting them back.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She put them on.  Giving in at this point being the only option left to her.  “Thanks, Jack.  And don’t worry.  You’ll get them back.  We can make that Sophia’s job.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ugh, Mom!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sounds good,” Jack agreed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aunty Jack!” Sophia protested.  Jack spread her hands like it was out of her authority, and Zahra laughed.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, that means it’s time for something blue, Shepard,” Miranda said.  “But I need my assistant to help me.  Alex!”  On cue, Zahra’s son popped his head around the corner of the doorway.  All of seven, he was less of a whirlwind than his sister, but at Miranda’s nod he bounded inside the room.  There was a spray of blue flowers in his hands.  A bouquet of blue roses.  Not Alliance blue, but the blue of bird feathers, the blue of the sky.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Alexander held out the flowers with a wide gap-toothed grin.  “I helped!  Did I do good, Aunty Randa?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You did perfectly, Alex,” Miranda said.  He tugged on his little suit jacket, proud in a job well done, and beamed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, yes you did.”  Zahra took the flowers in one hand and pulled her son to her with the other.  Both her children with her, decked out in gifts she’d never expected, Zahra wasn’t sure what she’d done in her life to deserve to be here.  Even after everything she’d done, all she’d had to do—</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There is one more traditional gift, Shepard,” Liara said.  “Though I am aware this is an entirely English tradition, it seemed to have migrated to other cultures over the centuries.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are we going to get a lesson in cultural anthropology now?” Zahra teased.  Liara shook her head, but a grin curved her mouth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It took Sam and myself no small effort to acquire this, Shepard.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Was a bit of a short notice, too, not that we’re holding it against you, springing your wedding on us.  But do you know how many records still aren’t properly digitized?  It’s horrible, we need to fix that.”  Sam wound herself down eventually, and Liara held out a small box.  It was like any other ring box, covered in that crushed velvet that never seemed to die, but inside wasn’t a ring.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This is a sixpence from a private collection dated from mid-fifteenth century England.  And as per the rhyme, it goes in your shoe.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait, wait, you’re telling me you’re comfortable with me sticking a historical artifact in my boot?”  Zahra held the coin between her fingers, examining the thin, worn thing that it was. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Considering how many ancient artifacts you’ve interacted with, what’s one more?” Sam asked blithely.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zahra raised one dark eyebrow and regarded Sam and Liara over the edge of the coin.  Then she sighed and waved at her boots she’d yet to put on.  “Alright, why not?  Help me with those, would you?  This dress isn’t as good for moving around as I’d thought.  And you,” she said to her son, “You better get back to your dad.  Shouldn’t you be helping him?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Alex shrugged.  “Dad’s got Uncle Garrus and Uncle James and Uncle Jeff and Uncle Wrex.  And he said I could help.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zahra sat and endured her friends helping her do up her boots because she couldn’t bend in the middle quite well enough in this get up, and then she realized there was someone missing from Alex’s list.  “Alex, honey, where is Grunt?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh!” he exclaimed, his grey eyes going wide. “I forgot!  Grunt said he was leaving.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Grunt!” Zahra yelled.  The hulking korgan, the plates of his armor fused and growing a crest now, turned around and fixed one pale, blue eye on her.  She hiked up her dress and strode down the lane back to the main street.  “What are you doing?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Leaving.  Thought that would be obvious, Shepard.”  He rolled his shoulders, for once out of armor.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, hard to miss a full grown krogan walking down a country lane.”  She grabbed that shoulder, and he stopped.  If he wanted, he could probably snap her in half.  Though, her bones were heavily reinforced.  So maybe not.  “So better question is why?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Gaze fixed on the grass that swayed bent in the wind, Grunt muttered something far below her ability to hear it.  Felt it in her chest though.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Try that again, Grunt.  This time, a bit more audible.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t have a job!  Everyone </span>
  <em>
    <span>else</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” he growled on that word, “has a job.  All the females helped you, and the other males helped your mate, Shepard.  Even Sophia and Alex have jobs.  I thought we were clan.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zahra bit the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing.  Or crying.  Was this the same krogan who had tried to kill her after being decanted?  The same maniac with a shotgun who laughed as they charged husks?  The same kid who had escaped from a hospital to get drunk and cause havoc?  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Or were they all just growing up?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zahra couldn’t reach her arms all the way around Grunt, but she gave it a good effort.  He squirmed.  “What are you doing, Shepard?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hugging you.  I know, it’s weird, but it’s a thing I do now.”  She pressed her cheek against the rough scales on his head.  “Didn’t think you’d want a job, but if you do, well.  I think we can come up with something.  Cause you’re right.  You are clan, Grunt, and you should be in the wedding.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can I have a gun?” he asked brightly.  Zahra pursed her lips and pondered the idea that was slowly taking shape in her head.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” she said.  “You can have a gun.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good.  Heh.  Heh.  Heh.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Zahra breathed out slowly and tried to ignore the knot in her stomach.  This was it.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She rolled her shoulders and swung her head slowly in the hope of loosening the tension in her neck.  Didn’t work.  It was completely ridiculous that she was nervous.  She and Kaidan had been together for over ten years.  Not like either of them were going to run away now.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The sixpence in her boot felt funny, a weird indent of metal under her heel, but not bad.  That was easier, focus on that.  Just a single door between her and doing the whole standing up and declaring of feelings.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sophia and Alexander turned their faces up to her.  Nine and seven, her kids.  Both with dark hair.  Sophia had her dad’s eyes, big and brown, and Alex had Zahra’s grey.  They fit in his face better than they had hers, and she thought he looked a bit like her own dad.  Neither of them had her nose, for which she was grateful.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You ready, Mom?” her daughter asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her son nudged the door open a crack and peered through.  “Dad’s waiting.  And Grunt has the gun.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay,” she breathed.  “Let’s get this show on the road, kids.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bright grins were their answer.  Sophia grabbed her brother’s hand and they nudged the door open with a small, united biotic push.  Any other day, Zahra would have been on them about that, but today she didn’t have it in her.  She ducked out of sight and watched as her kids preceded her down the aisle in their formal wear.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It didn’t take much to admit that they were cute.  Not even her own bias there.  They were objectively cute, and she’d kick the ass of anyone who said they weren’t.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then the gunshot went off, and flowers rained down over everyone.  Grunt’s low laugh made her smile.  That meant all that was left was for her to walk out the door and do the thing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Ten deep breaths, Zee</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks, Dad,” she whispered.  She opened the door.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Like they’d all been coached, everyone stood up.  Miranda inclined her head, and Zahra would have given money to see the former Cerberus cheerleader explaining human wedding customs.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Well, here she was, and there he was.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kaidan stood under chuppah.  He stopped breathing for a second before a smile slowly bloomed on his face.  His eyes swept up and down, following the slim line of the dress she wore.  It was white, which was a bit hilarious when she’d first tried it on, but now it didn’t seem funny at all.  One dark eyebrow quirked up and he pointedly glanced to the hem of her dress.  With a smirk, she inched the line of it up to reveal her combat boots.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Killer boots didn’t seem quite right, all things considered.  She was what she was.  He shook his head and suppressed a laugh as Alex tugged at his sleeve.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dad,” their son said in the worst stage whisper, “Mom’s really pretty.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah she is,” he agreed.  Heat ran up Zahra’s cheeks, and she forced herself to walk not stride down the aisle.  Measured steps, not soldier's steps.  Her throat tried to close up on her as all her friends, all her </span>
  <em>
    <span>family</span>
  </em>
  <span> nodded at her as she passed them by.  And all of them with their families.  Ten years, ten years past the time they all should have been dust and ash and a shadow of a memory.  People who were memories stood framed on a table nearby, memories she wouldn’t let die.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe they’d be proud of her, too.  Though it would be hard to know what Legion would think, but Anderson and Ash and Thane and her family.  Mom and Dad and Karima and Norah.  The family she had been born into and spent a lifetime trying to save.  They’d be happy for her, she thought.  No, she knew they would.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It seemed like an eternity.  It was over in a blink.  She stood in opposite Kaidan under the chuppah and handed the bouquet of blue flowers to Sophia.  Sophia held them with clear delight.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The rabbi said some words, the words of her mother’s people, and wouldn’t that have surprised Mom?  Either way, Zahra didn’t hear them at all.  She couldn’t hear because Kaidan stood there, with that kind of shy kind of sly barely there at all smile.  That smile that made her want to kiss him and kick him for looking like he knew something he wasn’t telling her.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seemed appropriate, that smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Zahra,” Kaidan said.  That brought the world into focus.  This was it.  This was really it.  Kaidan’s gaze flicked over to the whole mass of people watching them.  All their friends, and his mother beaming at her son.  His hands squeezed hers, and she squeezed back.  “From the first moment we met, you made me brave.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She wasn’t going to cry.  She wasn’t going to cry.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“For years, I tried to live carefully.  Always left myself a way out.”  His grin turned wry, and his gravelly voice deepened like he was having a hard time getting the words out.  “There was never careful with you.  Never a way out, because everything in my life always led back to you.  I’d thought I knew what it was to be brave, but you showed me what it meant.  It meant that you keep going in the face of uncertainty.  It meant that you get back up even when the world is telling you to stay down.  It meant that you hold on to what you love no matter what.”  The apple of his throat bobbed.  God, he’d held her so tight after she’d woken up, after they’d found her body in the wreckage of the Citadel.  He held tight now.  “And I am grateful every day that I was able to hold on to you.  That you have been a part of my life.  I love you, Zahra Shepard.  I love you carelessly and without looking back.  Because you have always been my forward, Zee, and the greatest adventure I can imagine is being your partner in life.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, well,” she whispered.  Her vision swam, and she inhaled to keep the tears at bay.  Damn him for being able to </span>
  <em>
    <span>say </span>
  </em>
  <span>that.  Her vows weren’t enough.  She’d never been good at words, not like this.  Put her in front of a camera or a crazy man with a gun, and she could talk.  She’d been trained for those situations.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>No one trained you in saying your own damned wedding vows.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He squeezed her fingers, and for a second he let his field slip and brush against hers.  Grounded.  Grounded and here, and damn it, she could do this.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kaidan.”  She licked her lips, her mouth dry.  He deserved to hear it without having to cajole it from her.  Chin tilted up, grey eyes met brown, and she smiled.  “I never fit anywhere until I met you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His eyes went wide and he inhaled sharply.  </span>
  <em>
    <span>Not expecting that, were you Alenko? </span>
  </em>
  <span>she said in the arch of her eyebrow.  He huffed and nodded at her to continue.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Until I met you, I lived my life drifting from one thing to the next.  The next goal, the next mission, the next person.  But you pulled me into your orbit, and no matter how I tried to fight it—”  Wrex’s bark of laughter made her roll her eyes, but she forged ahead.  “Okay, maybe I didn’t fight that hard.  Because I wanted to run to you.  Even when we fought, </span>
  <em>
    <span>especially</span>
  </em>
  <span> when we fought, I never wanted to run away from you.  I only ever wanted to run toward you, and I always will.”  Tears pricked at her eyes, and there was no forgetting the dark door of death that had nearly taken her after the Citadel.  And the voice that had pulled her out.  A shuddering breath left her, and she gripped his fingers tightly.  “I love you Kaidan Alenko.  You are my rock, my ground, my home, and my future.  There is no one else, Kay, in the whole galaxy, the whole universe I would want to spend the rest of my days with.  From this day until the last, I will always run to you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tears fell from his eyes.  She tasted salt on her lips and wiped away the wetness from her cheeks.  There were sniffles in the crowd, but Zahra didn’t dare look away from Kaidan.  Not one second.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The rabbi stepped into her peripheral vision and said gently, “The rings, please.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Alexander held up her wedding band proudly.  Kaidan knelt and pressed a kiss to their son’s forehead.  “Thanks, bud.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kaidan Alenko, as you place this ring on her finger, you pledge to love and honor Zahra Shepard as your wife all your days, before these witnesses and under the sight of God.”  The gold band slid on to her finger easily, clicking against the engagement ring he’d put there only six months ago.  It had seemed ridiculous then, to get married after all this time, but now she didn’t want to be anywhere else.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sophia tapped Zahra’s elbow and held out a heavier gold band.  Zahra squeezed her daughter to her and dropped a kiss to her head.  The rabbi raised his hands again, and Zahra perched the ring at the tip of Kaidan’s finger.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Zahra Shepard, as you place this ring on his finger, you pledge to love and honor Kaidan Alenko as your husband all your days, before these witnesses and under the sight of God.”  Her hands were steady as she slipped the ring onto his finger, and that was it.  The covenant sealed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I hereby pronounce you husband and wife!”  The rabbi waggled his eyebrows and gestured impatiently.  “You may kiss the bride.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Before she could blink, Kaidan’s hands held her face and he kissed her soundly.  Dimly, she heard clapping and cheering, her children screaming, and Grunt shooting off another spray of flowers.  Kaidan broke their kiss and in the milimeters between their faces, he gazed at her with enough love to make her legs go weak.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Thank God for reinforced bones.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Now let’s get this party started!”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zahra didn’t know who shouted that first, but James and Garrus both claimed the honor.  She really didn’t care.  She had all she needed right there.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The setting sun painted the sky a brilliant array of pinks and soft oranges.  Zahra sat with her back to Kaidan, his arms around her waist.  Her forehead nestled against his stubbly cheek, and she enjoyed the cool night breeze that wended through the orchard’s trees.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At the bottom of the hill, in the backyard turned reception hall, the party kept going without them.  Zahra knew that Sophia and Alexander couldn’t get into too much trouble with all their de facto aunts and uncles around, though Mord certainly egged Sophia on.  But Alexander was careful with Tali and Sam’s daughter, and the turian children Garrus and Chole had adopted had a strong rule following streak in them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Besides, she should get to enjoy a few moments of peace and quiet with her husband.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s weird,” she said into the quiet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s weird?”  Honey over gravel, that burr that had bypassed her brain all those years ago.  Still did things to her, and he knew it.  She hummed and nuzzled closer, doing certain things to </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span> in return.  Only fair.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re my </span>
  <em>
    <span>husband</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, that’s kind of what getting married entails, Zee.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I get that, but it’s still weird to say.  </span>
  <em>
    <span>My husband</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I certainly like being able to call you my wife.”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, way weirder, being called a wife.  That’s crazy.”  His laugh rumbled against her back.  She pulled his arms tighter around her.  The sun sank a little lower in the sky, and the first stars winked to life.  White on black, like the white in his stubble, the streak of white in her hair.  Remnants, but they were still here.  “Come a long way haven’t we?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Certainly have.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She let her head loll back and ran her hand along his jaw.  “Then let’s keep going.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Got your six, Shepard.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Never doubted you for a second, Alenko.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And, under the influence of their mutual gravity, they kissed.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Abides</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>There is something, even after the end.  And it was more than worth living for.</p><p>Years in the future, Zahra finally found her way back to Mindoir.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Zahra craned her neck back, staring up at the stars over Mindoir.  It had been years since she’d stood on this ground.  Plans to go back had been postponed again and again, until the white streak in her hair had taken over entirely and she was closer to retirement age than she liked to think about.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The colony had done well for itself since the Reaper War.  Wasn’t just a little spit of an agricultural community anymore.  It was the breadbasket of the Traverse, though the Traverse wasn’t the Traverse anymore.  Political lines and boundaries had shifted over the decades, but thankfully her time as head of the N-School had kept her nicely out of galactic politics.  Had done enough of that for a lifetime.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But she was here now.  Here where she’d taken Norah fishing for specimens for a class project and taught Karima how to climb trees.  Where mom had tried to raise her daughters right, and Zahra had made it difficult.  It was easier, now, to remember the good times.  The times when Mom had cheered her on in track rather than scolded her for a bad report card, the times when she’d snuck out to make out with her girlfriend rather than pushing her away after the raid.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Here, where she could still find the constellations of two wolves overhead that her and Dad had made up a long, long time ago.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Behind her, footsteps rustled through the grass and fallen leaves.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There you are.”  Kaidan’s voice, more gravel than honey these days, the burr deeper to go along with the lines on his face and the salt in his hair.  Before he reached her, his field did, crackling against her own with the familiarity of decades.  “Should’ve known.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You telling me I’m getting predictable, Alenko?”  She raised one scarred eyebrow, but the grin of her face was easy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only to someone who knows you well, Shepard,” he countered, slipping his hand in hers.  Other hand cupping around his mouth, he called out into the night.  “Mom’s over here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>More crashing more footsteps.  Sophia and Alexander ambled into the small clearing lit by the stars and the small hand lantern Zahra had at her feet.  They had families of their own now.  She was a grandmother for Christ’s sake.  How had </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> happened?   But the in-laws and the grandkids were back at the hotel, still.  She loved them all because they were hers, but right now she was glad it was just Kaidan and the kids.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know Mom,” Sophia drawled, Zahra’s own sarcasm reflected back at her ten fold, “if you wanted to come here, you could’ve just said something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That would mean Mom would tell us about her feelings outright,” Alex said airly, as ever trying to keep up with his sister.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, kids, be nice.”  Kadian’s admonishment was soft, gentle, but there all the same.  Their children, adults maybe but would always be her kids, offered up semi-apologetic smiles.  They both had her grin, sharp at the edges.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you’re here, so I guess it’s time.  Sophie, Alex, Kay, meet your family,” Zahra said, gesturing at the grave stones.  Kneeling easily, thank God for cybernetic knees, she brushed a little more dirt and the last few leaves off the names.  John Shepard, Miriam Shepard, Karima Shepard, Norah Shepard.  Once, it would have been impossible to be here, impossible not to remember the day she had burned on the inside and stood dry cheeked while they had been lowered into the ground.  Not to let that burn come back and consume her all over again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But now, now she could see her family's faces in her children and grandchildren and know they weren’t entirely gone.  Not yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They would have loved you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Under the stars, there was a deep quiet.  Not the quiet of space or even the low hum of a sleeping ship.  It was an earthy kind of quiet that was filled with trees creaking in the breeze and the skitter of animals.  A quiet made up of human beings not saying anything they didn’t need to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>By the light of the lantern, Zahra picked up four stones and placed them on the headstone before standing back up and facing her family.  Without a word being exchanged, they mobbed her with long practice, Kaidan holding her steady while the kids pinned her between them.  It was as familiar as her own face.  No, more than.  And it made her laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, alright, let’s get going.  This shindig needs kicking off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Four markers left behind, markers she should have placed a long time ago.  Better late than never, she had not lost the chance to do this entirely.  And although she had lost a lot in her life, she’d found a whole lot more along the way.  One didn’t erase the other, it couldn’t.  What it did, was make everything possible.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With one last glance up at the clear, bright stars, at the stars of her childhood, the stars she had flown between like a comet, the stars she had protected and saved and served, Zahra Shepard walked on with her family.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Tho' much is taken, much abides; and tho'<br/>We are not now that strength which in old days<br/>Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;<br/>One equal temper of heroic hearts,<br/>Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will<br/>To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.<br/>--Excerpt from <a>Ulysses by Alfred, Lord Tennyson</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>